| So I decided to create a xanga entry based solely on the fact that I have nothing to do, and no friends.
So what shall I discuss with myself first.
Ah...yes. The ever present - why did i lose my virginity in the first place??-
I think I wanted to. I think that I felt like i would feel more accomplished, more wanted, more beautiful even. I don't. I feel more used, and more alone then ever. However, I am still nobody's fucking secret.
What else?
Ah...yes. The fact that ALL OF MY FRIENDS ARE GONE.
O.K., that sounds a touch dramatic. I still have friends here, but they are seniors, so during the week they have to be home early, while I have all of this fucking time to party and live it up. I know people who would probably be out, but either I hate them, or I'm pretty sure that they hate me. Perhaps both, sort of a mutual hatred.
Then of course...I REAL real REAL need myself a boyfriend.
I think that it would improve my self esteem tremendously. I feel like if I had someone who cared about me, maybe I could care alittle more about the world. I just want someone who would care to be with me, and adore what I say, and love to fuck me. Is this so much to ask? I find so many different things attractive about men. So many different things can be sexy, so it's not like I'm picky.
I keep telling myself that I'm brilliant, and beautiful, and that everything will be alright. Somehow, it's seems sort of meaningless when I affirm myself.
I want someone else to. Someone who loves me. Naive? Perhaps.
Anyway - Goodnight. |
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| Mergh. Mergh. Mergh.
So I can not sleep today because I took a 4 hour nap. Not that I am complaining about the nap. Naps are always deliciously tasty.
I just wish that some people (well, Maura, the only person who will read this) would answer their phones because I have a surprise for them!
It's really funny. Possibly funnier then the dolphin picture. |
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| it has been an oddly long time since i have posted anything.
to catch everything up would take years.
today i went to a hookah bar.
i often feel like most of my life is wasted time.
lately i have been really thinking i need to DO things.
i just put off everything so that i can just waste my days away.
i never actually do anything...or maybe i do. i just dont know. |
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Today.
I'm a double champion.
And it feels GOOOOOD. |
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| Today i went sort of crazy in front of a whole bunch of people, and it was kind of embarrasing.
DAMMIT!
That probably doesn't happen to anyone else.
Whatever.
School is OK, I'm a senior so yeah...
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